| so. i'm on xanga. for the first time for reals actually posting something meaningful in a long long time. btw the last post was a list of possible names for a future pet birdy.
i was lookin @ duckie T's weblog, and i was like, hm, if someone wants to stalk me the way i'm stalking her, there's no way for them to stalk me via weblog since i haven't blogged since forever. but if someone does, my thoughts would mean something to them, since they're stalking me in the first place. so mebbe i should post something, since i don't have to worry about no one reading my blog. and it'll give my stalker something to read. hahaha. my housemate hated all her stalkers and we'd joke about transferring them to me, since i apparently didn't mind people worshipping me. haha. k but i don't think anyone's reading this anyways. although i just talked about how someone might be reading this. i think weblogs and youtube and stuff are pretty awesome. they make everyone sound like whining attention whores, but the concept that everyone's thoughts are significant and meaningful is pretty legit. thats pretty cool. lookin at my past posts, i'm like, wow i'm so cute. not in a vain way... in a ... wow lookit how God's made me way. okay. so Joshua gave me a prophecy when I was baptized the very beginning of this year that God's going to reveal everrything to me . like everrything: the past ten months and 15 days have been absolutely heart wrenching, testing, touching, livening, refining, beautiful, anguishing, confusing, painful, scary, intense, bring me to my knees, amazing, faith-creating, personal revelation of God bettering... i seriously don't even really know how to describe all of it. . . my last year in college, in Bridges Int'l, I was like, how is it going to get better than this? I'm a leader in ministry, I have a missionary boyfriend, I'm reaching out to people from all over the world for Christ, I have a team of dedicated, compassionate, hospitable God evangelizers; this is all I've ever wanted. I was worried that it's all down hill from here, cuz how could it get better? all i can now is that God is really too much for us. his Goodness will never run out on me. I don't know how we can manage any interaction with Him without exploding. I know from an outsider point of view, my life is not perfect or great, and that I went through some scary shit this past year. but . it was awesome. it was awesome. He is awesome. He is awesome. Lord send me. Lord send me. Hah. I'm such a thrill seeker. What better than to have all of life be a thrill? When God gives me more than I need, isn't that a thrill? When God takes away more than I think I need, isn't it a thrill, an adventure to battle evil with good by still struggling to praise Him? I know people who don't trust rollercoasters, so they can't stand em. I adore rollercoasters. I trust that when I go on that rollercoaster, it'll be the other 98% of the time it won't malfunction n kill me. So I have an awesome time, trusting I will not die
...When it's God we're trusting, and not Six Flag designers... when it's the GOD of the UNIVERSE who holds the COSMOS in His hands... shouldn't we trust that our rollercoaster lives are meant to be more thrilling than anything else we'll ever encounter? Praise the Lord. Thank You, Lord God Almighty everything. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. He's so perfect. It's all so perfect. I don't know what to do with it all, really. really. LOVE YOU |
